23 May's course

"…I can't say anything without seeing the state of things unaltered."

"Yes… exactly."

"Are you hesitating?"

Jin asks, surprised at May's hesitation despite the opportunity to extend her lifespan.

She nods slightly.

"Allow me to say this personally—dying at thirty feels too early."

"Even so, that's what I've always known as normal… I can't quite grasp it, even when told it could be extended."

"I suppose I can understand that."

It would be disorienting to suddenly discard what had been the norm, even for Jin.

"More concerning is the thought of being unable to fight."

Those words bring Jin back to something May once said—the reason she fights.

"Is it about Sasamori and Nastin trainees?"

"If we stop the treatment, we won't be able to help them when they're in danger. That… would be a problem."

I understand the sentiment, though...

He wants to be of help to his comrade.

That in itself is a motive worth praising.

But would the other truly rejoice if told his own lifespan had been shortened for that purpose?

No. Jin could assert without doubt that those two would not be pleased.

"Have you told Sasamori the trainee?"

"...No. Not yet."

That’s what Jin thought.

He couldn’t imagine remaining calm if he’d heard such words moments ago.

"Because if I say it, he’d definitely insist on stopping the procedure."

"Likely."

"Yuri’s the same. Probably even more so than me."

It seemed, somehow, that May’s condition had become common knowledge within the squad.

The fact that there was no need to hide anything from a close friend—was that not something to be glad about?

"...Even knowing that, you still hesitate?"

"Because... if I can’t fight anymore, I’ll have no value at all."

Ah. Jin nodded once, understanding.

The background he’d once heard about May.

From that, he could infer how May had been told, again and again, by those around her.

Through words.

Through silence.

You are unnecessary. You are not meant to be here.

For May now, trainee—then soldier—is the only identity she has.

She fears losing it.

Looking back.

Jin had once been the same.

Gifted in combat.

But unable to find any other meaning in himself.

A time when he feared the moment he could no longer fight.

And what ultimately resolved that fear?

In the end, it was the Order.

As he thought, Jin tapped the ring at his chest.

“Instructor?”

“That’s right. I understand. I’m the kind of person who can do nothing but fight.”

Someone had told him, even without that, it was enough.

How much that had saved him.

How much it had meant to be told he was fine just as he was.

When all of that was considered together.

Yuria’s theory on love had to be acknowledged as correct in one regard—and that was slightly humiliating.

“Belvair trainee.”

“Yes.”

“Fall in love.”

“……Yes?”

“Most things can be managed with that.”

“Um, sorry, Instructor. You’re running a fever.”

Not a question—was a statement of certainty.

“Normal temperature.”

“No, that’s a lie! This is a hospital—please get checked immediately, you’re definitely running a high fever!”

“Same as always—no problem! Listen to me!”

“It’s not the same as always! You never make comments like Yuria’s love-brained nonsense!”

“Humiliating as it is, Nastin trainee’s theory is correct.”

"Kou! Kou! One patient is agitated—please assist in restraining them!"

With Kou’s intervention over the phone, the situation finally stabilized.

"Why was I summoned so abruptly? What’s going on, Instructor?"

"Well, the Bellwair trainee suddenly started treating someone as ill..."

"Suddenly started speaking nonsense like Yuria, Instructor."

"Ah. That’s a neurological condition. No doubt about it."

"Do you have some objection toward the Nastin trainee...?"

"Well, a neurological condition is a joke, but... I do think she’s feverish."

Indirectly, Yuria is always described as being feverish.

"So why did you start spouting that kind of Yuria-like delusion, Instructor?"

"Come on—don’t you consider her a friend?"

Regardless.

"Talking about what happens if the Belvare trainee doesn't join the military."

"What? You're quitting the academy?"

"No. I'm not quitting. Just hypothetical."

May still seems unwilling to tell Kou.

She said she already knows the answer... which might mean.

She knows she'd waver if those words were spoken to her.

"If I didn't join the military, I'd have no purpose, you know."

"I have no idea why we're even talking about this... but it's not like that, right?"

"No, no. Kou. If I don't join the military, I'd just be an unemployed person."

"Then find another job. You don't have to stick to the military."

For a moment, May flinches at Kou's logic.

"If I stop being a soldier, how am I supposed to keep up with you? You're the one who always charges ahead alone!"

"What are you talking about? I'd manage fine without you."

Saying that, Kou slightly softened his tone.

"Isn't it true you entered the training academy for me?"

"H-huh!? What are you saying, you narcissist!?"

"Then again, you said that before. Wanted to talk again, didn't you?"

"Traitor to the Instructor!"

May tried to deflect Kou's abrupt question with a flippant reply, but was instantly exposed from behind by Jin.

The trust in Jin as an Instructor—someone she had spoken to with full faith—had just plummeted to near zero.

"Knew it. Thought no one would choose to become a soldier just because they're surrounded by peers their own age and scared."

"Gnununu……"

Jin pondered whether he should excuse himself from the seat, wondering if this was the first time he’d ever made such a sound.

Something about Kou was fixated entirely on May, as if Jin’s presence might vanish entirely.

“You can’t seriously be refusing to speak just because I’m no longer a soldier. If you have something else you want to do, pursuing that path is perfectly valid.”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

“Come to think of it, what did you want to do before deciding to join the military?”

“I didn’t really have anything specific… I just wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible, anything would’ve done.”

Jin, now entirely forgotten, waited quietly for the right moment to exit the room.

An utterly selfless interference, unwarranted but unavoidable.

“Instructor, don’t run away. This is a student’s career consultation.”

“As an instructor, I thought I was reading the air correctly.”

Jin laughed at himself, realizing it wouldn’t unfold like a battlefield. He returned to his original position.

“Then again, as Sasamori trainee says, other paths are available.”

"But if that's the case... I can't protect Kou."

"What? You really care about that? After losing to me."

"I can protect Kou even if I'm weaker."

"Are you kidding? I told you. I got strong to protect the people I care about. It means nothing if I'm protected by you."

"Kou..."

He still felt unnecessary.

Jin was beginning to lose sight of his own purpose.

"Belvare trainee. About what I said earlier..."

"Uh, that thing about love and all...?"

"I believe that being valued by just one person is enough. That was enough for me. And it still is."

"Needed by one person..."

May repeated those words.

To Jin, that condition seemed easily met.

"Something I wanted to become... Yes. I'll think about it more positively."

"You were called here without understanding anything. Has the problem been resolved?"

"No. Still deeply conflicted. I'll talk about it later."

"Ah."

"Belval trainee. Come anytime you need to talk."

"I will never consult an Instructor again!"

Expected outcome.

"Why!?"

"I can't talk to someone who'll spill secrets!"

"You weren't sworn to silence!"

"Anyone with sense would know that!"

The ugly argument continues.

Yet May's expression is brighter than when she first arrived.

The next step is clear now.

What she wants to become.

Long ago. When May was still two.

"Jun, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

When both still believed in a shared future.

"Hmm... this!"

A bride in a beautiful dress, drawn in a picture book.

"A bride!"

"I want to be one too! But they say you can't be a bride without someone you love."

"Really? Then Kou would be perfect."

"I want Kou too."

……What should I do?

Shall we share it?

Back when we innocently wished for such things.

The dream of the two of us becoming brides can no longer be fulfilled.

But if only one of us… perhaps there’s still a chance.

May thought that.