11 The Most Happy Nightmare 9
He must have understood from the twisted ring.
If Rei were still alive, Jin would not be holding the ring.
Rei says this with sorrow.
"I was worried. Whether Jin could survive if I were gone."
That worry could be called perceptive.
He could not survive.
He could not find meaning in a world without Rei.
For two years, he did nothing but exist—could not even bring himself to die.
Not surviving was purely a matter of outcome.
At that time, he would have welcomed death at any moment.
Even the concern of his superior felt burdensome.
All he sought then was a place to die.
"But now, Jin is fine."
"...Yes."
It was Mio who changed him.
Had he not met her, he would have died eventually.
It was Mio who held him, who kept him grounded when he had no feet on the earth.
Mio had survived because of Jin.
She had lived, stealing Jin’s happiness.
But the truth was the opposite.
Jin had survived because of Mio.
He had felt happiness because of Mio.
Filled by her innocent affection.
Without that love, Jin would have inevitably moved toward death.
It was her love that had prevented that.
Only because he had borne it all alone had he, over time, learned how to return it.
"I promised. I wouldn’t leave you alone again."
Jin’s story had already ended.
It concluded the moment he lost her.
The ending he had wished for never came—consumed, reduced to ash.
After that, he was merely an extra.
A minor role supporting Mio’s story.
But even a minor role—has its purpose.
"So I’m sorry. I have to go."
This is a dream.
A dream of a possibility that might have been.
Even if this were another reality, to Jin it remains a dream.
It must be a dream.
Thus, the time to awaken has come.
The time to go meet Mio.
Even knowing this, it is impossible not to feel regret.
He released the hand he had been holding.
He turned toward the entrance. To leave this house—the house he had lived in for ten years with Rei—for good.
With absolute certainty that he would never return.
When someone comes back here, it will no longer be him—the Hijō Jin who spent ten years with Rei.
He understands he will never witness that moment.
"Wait."
Rei catches up to Jin at the entrance, where he is putting on his shoes.
Rei grasps Jin's face.
Presses their lips together.
A brief encounter.
Nothing extraordinary. Just another page in the ordinary.
Something Jin did not know—something that should have been accumulated.
"Even if I am not there with you..."
Sharon’s gaze lingers on Jin’s eyes, a faint loneliness in her expression.
How frail her reflection appears within those eyes.
“Every kiss we shared. Every embrace. Every touch. These are etched into your memories, into your history.”
“Ah.”
Jin returns the embrace.
The warmth now distant, long lost. To feel it again. Knowing this would surely be the last time.
Foreheads pressed together, he holds her close.
“Even without me, I remain within you. Your history shapes me.”
She murmurs it, whispering to Jin.
“That must be a wondrous thing. As long as you live, I will remain beside you forever.”
Typical of Sharon.
A phrase that feels natural, inevitable, from her.
He always enjoyed listening to her speak—about history, about home, about cooking, about so many things.
Recalling happiness like sunlight in days long past.
“……Ah.”
“So, Jin. Give me to your daughter too. If she is your daughter, then she is mine.”
“I’ll tell her. I’ll make sure Mio knows.”
He holds her tightly, pressing with all his strength. It feels tight, almost painful, but he cannot stop.
He wants to stay like this forever.
Even now, he wishes this moment could become eternity.
If time would only stop.
“Rei. I love you—deep in my heart.”
Pouring into the words every unspoken year of love Jin has carried, unexpressed for ten long years.
Now, he tells Rei, as he always has, as he always will.
“Yes. I—I love you too.”
But as she speaks, a tear rolls down Jin’s cheek.
It is not a tear from Jin’s eye.
“But yours is different. You’re not in love with me now—no.”
Jin realized the nature of the droplet—this time, he let tears fall.
You loved me, that’s what it was.
It was already the past for Jin.
Tears fell as Rei thought of herself, having left Jin behind and departed first.
Lips meet once more.
A soft touch.
I don’t want to be separated.
I don’t want to part.
Why must I do something like this? Jin wonders.
I've wanted to see you for so long—so very long.
I wanted to be together forever.
Even if you say Mio is more important.
The existence of Rei did not become smaller.
She still occupies most of Jin.
One could say, without metaphor, that it is half of oneself.
And yet, why with his own hands, once more—command the order.
As if seeing through Jin's fleeting hesitation, Rei detached from his body.
Warmth recedes.
Jin accepted it, along with the pain.
This is something that must never be held again.
Rei detaches from Jin’s body.
The heart does not wish for it.
But. It was chosen.
Jin chose Mio, not the order.
Holding onto that warmth is no longer permitted.
Cold air wipes away the warmth.
He dreamed.
A fleeting dream. The gentlest dream of all he desired.
A momentary crossing of paths that should never meet again.
But dreams must end.
A step of distance.
That distance is now equal to eternity. An unbridgeable gap.
Beyond that.
On the other side of the un-crossable divide, Rei says.
“Go on.”
Rei smiles, watching him depart.
Ah, yes.
Jin remembers. Rei was the kind of person who smiled like that.
Burn that smile into memory. Etch it into the history within.
The love she gave me at the end.
The love I received at the end.
刻み込む。 Never forget. Forcibly, deeply.
"……I'm leaving!"
Stepping out from the entrance.
No looking back.
Rei is the past.
She who stopped behind me.
A scene one second ahead vanishes.
A possibility that might have been crushed.
Jin denies the future—returns to reality.
Ah, but.
In that interval.
For a single moment, he dreams again.
Rei is there. Mio is there.
Three of us living in that house. A dream impossible.
Even knowing it is a dream, it feels unbearably happy.
His heart shaken by emotions so tangled, so blurred, he no longer knows why he is crying.
And then.
◆ ◆ ◆
"Help me, oto-san...!"
Mio's voice comes from the communicator's speaker.
On the verge of breaking down.
Yet unmistakably a plea for help.
"……Ah."
Clutching the chest.
No sensation returns now.
He does not understand the logic behind it.
The ring he gave her in a dream has vanished here too.
Only.
A single tear falls in silence.
A sense of completion, finally fulfilling what had long been left undone.
A lingering emptiness, the loss of something just felt moments ago.
No regrets.
No regrets.
No regrets—but loneliness remains.
Cannot dwell on it.
Now, Mio—his daughter—is calling for help.
Calling for him.
He vowed not to leave her alone.
What then, if not fulfill that vow now?
"I am her father! Mio is my daughter!"
He shouts, as if tearing free.
There must be lingering attachment.
In the end, Jin carries loss no matter which path he chooses.
Then there is nothing left but to follow the path chosen by Jin.
Only Jin can know where he finds satisfaction.
And that.
It was conveyed in the decree.
But would it have reached Mio?
Would it have reached you?
—There is something I need to convey.
Filling Jin’s core, endlessly, without end.
This feeling, never consciously acknowledged until now.
I'm going to help now!
I love you.
Something to tell the daughter he loves more than anyone else.