第５５掘：現状説明会 (Part3)
"Wait a minute!! I’ve been working as a shop clerk in these ridiculous frilly clothes, and I’ve been scrubbing the bathhouse floors with a deck brush every single day! If you overwork me any further, I’d say that’s a violation of human rights!"
"No, no. If I entrust you with the DP calculations, I won’t be assigning you any more of those strange tasks, Deryu. I can’t afford for you to make mistakes with the numbers, after all."
"Oh—oh, really!? You mean I’ll be dedicated to that and won’t have to do any other work?"
"Yes. However, I cannot tolerate any errors. If you slip up, I’ll have to send you back to the other departments."
"Hmph, leave it to me!! There aren’t many who can handle advanced arithmetic like I can! It’s the perfect job for me!"
I don’t know why, but I feel like Deryu just stepped firmly into territory she really shouldn't have.
With the reports finished, everyone is now sipping their tea.
"Still, to think that girl is the Saintess Elju everyone talks about. And from what you all say, there was even a Saintess of Lithea. I am a Demon Lord, and this place is governed by that calamitous Dungeon Master... My, what a collection of bizarre individuals we have here."
Deryu mutters this while drinking her tea.
"Indeed. It’s more outlandish than any storybook. Having you around, Yuki, never gets boring. I never imagined I’d end up making friends with a Demon Lord."
"And I never thought I’d meet people I could speak to normally once they knew my true identity."
"This, too, is a strange twist of fate."
As I mutter this, everyone quietly sips their tea...
"No, that’s not a 'strange twist of fate' at all. Given the situation, it’s only natural."
Yuki abruptly ruins the mood.
"What are you saying, Yuki? How is this anything but a strange twist of fate?"
"Haa... Deryu, don't tell me you think you’ve returned to the 'righteous path' because I lectured you?"
"Well, I spoke with you, Yuki, and I met Aslin, Firia, and those children, and I had a change of heart. Surely that is fate."
"That’s just you misunderstanding things, Deryu."
"What do you mean?"
"For starters, where did you get the guarantee that I’m the one who’s right?"
"But, Yuki, you were the one who explained it to me, weren't you?"
"Exactly. I only explained my perspective. I never once said that what I say is correct and that you are wrong."
"True, you didn't deny it, Yuki. Did you say what I did was 'based on my own righteousness'? But I certainly felt like I was being lectured afterward."
"If you felt like you were being lectured, it’s because you already thought you were wrong. From start to finish, I only shared my own thoughts in response to your questions."
It’s true. Even when it was my turn, Yuki didn't try to force his opinions on me; he simply stated that this was how *he* intended to proceed.
"I never said anything as simple as 'You are wrong, follow me and everything will be fine.' Deryu, Elju, Rurua—everyone here chose to be in this place. If anything, it was persuasion."
Yuki looks around at our faces as he says this.
"I don't remember lecturing anyone. From my perspective, I was just desperately bowing my head and asking you to be my allies. If there’s anyone here who thinks you were 'wrong'—that you were just failing while trying to do the right thing—then your perspective is incredibly narrow. You’re ignoring the possibility that I might fail in the future, too. Well, I’m doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen."
"What? You mean... everything I’ve done until now wasn't a mistake?"
Deryu stares at Yuki in astonishment.
I feel the same way. I have been living with the belief that I must spend the rest of my life atoning. If the sins I am trying to atone for weren't "wrong," then what does that mean?
"Of course it wasn't a mistake. That was your answer, Deryu. You swung your fist, and perhaps innocent people died, but conversely, others were saved. Besides, whether something is a success or a failure isn't for us to decide. That’s for future historians to judge as they please. What matters is having the confidence to stand by the answer you gave until the end. As far as that goes, I *will* tell you that you’re wrong."
Yuki glares at Deryu and me, raising his voice.
"Changing your opinions just because of my words... at least be sincere about the results of the answer you chose. Don't apologize. If you're going to apologize, use it for the next step instead. Living your whole life with your head bowed just means you aren't utilizing your abilities, which is a nuisance to everyone else. If you don't do that, the people who died for the answers Deryu and Elju gave will never be rewarded. Elju, especially you—the people around you were all people with that kind of resolve."
"Eh?"
"First, there’s Seraria. She’s certainly not stupid. Yet, in battle, she refuses to break her way of being. She’s clashed with me over it time and again. The reason is surely for the sake of those she has cut down in the past. She has decided to live this way until the end, for the lives she took to achieve her goals. From my perspective, it’s clumsy, but if that’s what she’s decided, I can’t interfere."
"Chi-neesama..."
"Next, Aria. Her resolve as the next queen is immense. It’s not easy to publicly acknowledge that you are going to die. And finally, your father. He chose the citizens over you. He declared that to me, and he joined hands with Rurua, whom he should have hated. He believed that would save many people. Elju, your entire family has swallowed both the clear and the murky. And they have accepted it and made use of it."
Now I understand why Chi-neesama, my sister, and my father gave me those bitter smiles whenever I said I would do something.
Everything has a result, just as you get hungry when you move.
The fact that I saved people means there were also people I could not save.
I made a choice—to prioritize areas with high casualties, which meant abandoning those with fewer.
Simply put, it was just a difference in scale, yet I had been turning my back on the answer I gave.
While I claimed to be saving people, I couldn't find confidence in what I was doing, even as I listened to Yuki’s explanation... no, I couldn't find confidence in my own actions.
My thoughts spin in circles, connecting my actions to my answers.
How insincere. How selfish.
I was merely bowing my head, claiming the answer I gave was wrong.
By doing so, I was heartlessly telling the lives lost for my answer that "your deaths were a mistake."
If I continue like this, I will remain "wrong," and I will truly continue to profane the lives that were lost.