第２２２掘：裁判 (Part1)
**Dungeon Excavation 222: The Trial**
The nudists have messed up.
**Trial**
**Side: Seraria**
Mino-chan and the others managed the negotiations perfectly, successfully forcing the Enaria army to withdraw. They even secured prisoners, and thanks to the way Mino-chan handled the talks, they were officially recognized as a third-party force independent of us.
Consequently, both Zilba and Enaria found it impossible to continue the war. If either side were to ignore us—or rather, ignore Mino-chan’s group—and continue fighting, it would technically not cause us any direct trouble. However, from a common-sense perspective, it would appear as though they were causing a nuisance, which would give Mino-chan the pretext to move in and suppress them.
Therefore, continuing the war has become impossible for both nations. It has reached a point where it is more profitable for the two countries to sign a ceasefire or an alliance. With this, we mercenaries are now free to move as we please.
Yes, it was perfect.
However, a certain "nudist" special forces unit has caused a perverted incident, and it has become a massive problem.
"So, shall we hear your excuse?"
I am currently in the military interrogation room in Weed, questioning the goblin who caused this mess. To be precise, it’s Steve, the leader of the goblin unit and the monster army.
"I'm innocent!! It was a combat accident!! I want a lawyer!!"
"A lawyer? This isn't Earth; that profession doesn't exist here. You’ve really absorbed too much of my husband's culture in the strangest ways."
"But if this keeps up, I’m going to be branded a pervert..."
"Idiot, the charge is attempted rape, so you’re looking at actual prison time. Not to mention the kidnapping charges that apply."
Yes, the problem Steve caused is attempted rape. And kidnapping.
"I couldn't help it. It was their fault!!"
"That’s why I’m telling you to explain it. I’ll be the judge of that."
The reason I am personally interrogating Steve is that I am the only one who can pass judgment on him. Well, my husband could do it in his position, but he is currently busy mediating between Zilba and Enaria. While there is the formal pretext of him mediating with Mino-chan’s monster army, Mino-chan and his group are our subordinates from the start.
I am the Queen of Weed, and simultaneously, the head of the military. The failures of my subordinates are my responsibility. Since I have left the political affairs of Weed entirely to representatives like Eris and Ratz, I am not as busy as I had anticipated. Well, having a country, however small, means I have to attend banquets and meetings almost every day. Of course, I refuse anything unnecessary, so I spend my days happily with my daughter and playing games.
But, drifting back to the topic, this incident is quite a problem. Steve, my husband’s old partner, has committed attempted rape and kidnapping—such a foolish thing to do from an outsider's perspective. It’s likely caused by some misunderstanding or something trivial, but I cannot just let him go without a trial.
"Honestly, my dinner with Sakura is ruined today."
"...I am truly sorry."
Sakura’s meal today is Kirue’s breast milk. Well, since half of us are pregnant, the good thing is that we aren't short on milk. Yuki mentioned something about powdered milk, but that’s out of the question. There’s no way I’d give my child a substitute. I don't intend to deny the existence of powdered milk, but if you can produce your own milk and have the time, you should give your own. I don't know why else breasts would exist, and I can't help but feel it shows a lack of affection.
The Kirue group, who are currently nursing, are also nearing their delivery dates, so I am worried, but it seems our own births were about a month premature, so their original due dates are around now. Well, thanks to our experiences, the preparations and mental readiness are solid, so it should go more smoothly than it did for us.
Wait, I shouldn't be distracted. If I don't finish Steve's hearing quickly, I won't be able to sleep with Sakura.
"If you think so, then start by explaining the situation."
"...Understood."
**Side: Sex Offender Steve**
...I feel like that introduction was a bit rude, but for now, I have no choice but to prove my innocence.
At the time, I had taken ten of my elite troops on a mission to reduce the supplies of the enemy's main reinforcements. ...Wearing nothing but loincloths and carrying short swords.
The reason is understandable. To the people of that continent, we are just goblins. We’ve made a bit of a name for ourselves in the Zilba Empire, but elsewhere, we’re just "nudists." So, to attack the enemy as monsters without any affiliation, we were ordered to act as wild, nudist warriors to waste and seize their supplies.
"Alright, let's confirm the enemy's position."
"...Are we really attacking in this getup?"
"...It’s not cold, but my heart feels cold."
"...I want to wear clothes."
"...I am not a pervert..."
My subordinates' morale is terribly low. We aren't even a special operations unit, after all. I understand how they feel, but this is a job.
"...Let's finish the job quickly so we can put on some clothes."
" " " ...Yeah, yeah. " " "
The goal had already shifted to finishing the job just so we could wear clothes. It couldn't be helped. We are civilized goblins, after all.
"I've grasped the general location of the supplies, so let's get this over with."
" " " Ooh. " " "
And so, we leaped out of the bushes, ready to strike. ...But one thing they said was the turning point.
"Oh, look, goblins. They show up around here too, huh?"
"Looks like it. But look at them. Those low-lifes aren't even wearing clothes."
"They look like they stink. I wouldn't want to end up like that."
They said that!! Who would choose to be a nudist if they didn't have to?! That’s why I snapped.
"You guys!! I’ll teach your bodies whose fault it is that we’re going through this trouble!!"
"Eh?"
"How?"
"Weren't we told not to kill them?"
My subordinates were confused, so I told them:
"We're going to knock them out and strip them naked!! We'll make them feel what we're feeling!!"
" " " OOOOHHHH!!!! " " "
Yes, we were going to seize their supplies, so I decided we would strip them of everything they were wearing, too. It was insulting that the enemy, who forced us to appear in this state, was mocking us.
"Oh, what's with these goblins? Are they trying to take us on?"
"Just right. We need to get some light exercise before the battle."
"Whoever takes down the most gets all the booze."
" " " You're on! " " "
Because they were saying things like that...
"Strip them all!!"
We charged at the enemy with heroic courage.
"What are these goblins!?"
"Th-they're strong!?"
"GYAAAAAAH!!"
And so, we attacked the large army.
"What are these guys doing? Oh, they're stripping the men naked!?"
"Ah, ah, they're attacking the men!!"
"A-are you kidding me!! They're perverts!!"
We fought like madmen, seizing supplies and stripping them bare. And then, the incident happened.
"Captain, I'm going to go grab those supplies."