Blood 33: Past and Present

Of all the things to say, what is this fool even talking about?

Why not eat a little more?

Just recently, you dismissed someone else's meal with that same mouth.

You're joking.

No, I understand.

You don't understand anything.

You don't grasp that for a vampire, food is consumption of blood.

But then—

how can you, who called it the lowest thing imaginable, tell me to eat more? Isn't that exactly what you'd expect?

I stare in silence. Lars flinches slightly.

He doesn't understand why I'm annoyed.

"More? You mean make me drink blood? After you called it the lowest thing just yesterday?"

Watching Lars’s foolish expression, I can't help but speak the thought aloud.

Hearing that, Lars visibly flustered—slightly relieving the tension.

"Or perhaps you're saying you'll provide blood yourself? Since you forbid hypnosis, it means consent must be obtained from the other party, doesn't it? Who'd do something so absurd?"

Said with deliberate sarcasm, seizing the moment.

Normally, I'd never win an argument like this.

But now, having dug my own grave, I can finally settle old scores.

"Hey. You said I was the lowest thing just before, but did you actually understand how difficult it is for a vampire to obtain blood without hypnosis?"

Lars said nothing.

He was the type who stayed silent when at a disadvantage.

"Indeed, from a human perspective, we vampires might be considered inherently evil. So tell me, are you saying I should die?"

"I didn't mean to—"

"Meaning you don't? That's the same as saying it. No hypnosis. That means either attack without warning, or honestly ask for blood. You said it yourself—do you really think anyone would hand over blood out of kindness? There's no such person. So the only option left is to attack. But I think that's far worse."

In truth, I am an Ancestor. I do not necessarily need blood to survive.

But now that I've tasted it, I can't be certain I'd endure life without it.

It would complicate things if known. But since it won't be discovered, I'll keep silent.

Hypnosis can erase memories of an attack—or make them feel pleasant instead. Know that? Apparently, being bitten feels good. I get blood, I’m happy. The other person isn’t scared, just feels good. Both happy. Win-win situation, isn’t it?

It really does feel good to be drained of blood.

I’ve never experienced it from the receiving end, but I’ve heard from someone who did. There’s a certain similarity to sexual pleasure.

So, well, sometimes it leads—inevitably—to actions of that nature.

Lars showed clear disgust at my comment.

What is this person?

A virgin?

“You’re a virgin?”

“W-What!?!”

Lars laughed like a comedy sketch.

“W-What are you talking about!?”

Ah. So he’s a virgin.

Huh.

“If you let me drink, I’ll help you lose your virginity.”

The words slipped out before I could stop them.

Lars was even more startled, frozen in place.

We stared at each other in silence.

"I don't speak lightly about such things."

Lars spoke first.

His voice carried fatigue. He spoke with rigid formality.

"Are you not too bound by your previous life's conventions?"

The words, again spoken without thought, struck me like a stone sinking into my chest.

Yes.

That life was the past.

In my former existence, I was human. But in this life, though my form resembles that of a human, my essence is entirely different.

Then of course, my conventions must be different too.

"Miss, can you look your parents in the eye and say you are proud of yourself now?"

Melazophis's words, long held within me.

For the first time, the answer began to emerge, faint but visible.

I can't yet form it into clear words, but I feel I've grasped the starting point.

I am me.

I am a vampire.

In the end, as Lars said.

Choose death according to human will, or live as a vampire.

That is the only choice.

Then, I choose to live as a vampire.

Thinking this way, all the excessive worry I had before seems foolish.

Being evil is fine.

What's wrong with living as a vampire, if I am a vampire?

Trying to apply human standards to vampires— that premise was flawed from the start.

"Isn't it you who's discarded your past life too thoroughly, Suzuko Negishi?"

I don't know what purpose there was in deliberately using my past-life name.

But this one truly excels at twisting human nerves.

What's wrong with that? From my perspective, you're the one who's twisted—pretending to be human while struggling like one, despite being an outsider. Sasaki Kyoya.

I called him by his past-life name, Lars, as a reply.

His face twisted instantly, clearly.

Hm.

I don't know why Lars dislikes his past-life name so much. But if he dislikes it that much, I suppose I'll just call you Kyoya from now on.