Episode 287: The Piglets' Adventure

Four piglets: "Oink! Oink oink oink! Oink oink oink~!"

The worst-looking image in gaming history is displayed on the monitor.

What unfolds before our eyes

is a documentary video (uncensored) showing real pigs mating.

Four piglets: "Oink~! Oink oink yee~!"

Moreover, this scene goes on forever. No matter how many buttons you mash, it won’t skip. It’s described in excruciating, overly detailed fashion.

Even Aizuki Miyako, usually unflappable, could only stare at this tormenting scene with a face twisted in grimace and disbelief.

"I was gonna give him a light scolding... but that guy's really a real goober, a complete idiot."

Incidentally, my opponent is O-Iwa. This was an unavoidable measure. Currently, my character is by far the weakest, and there was almost nothing I could do.

Yellow Pig: "...Phew. She was quite a looker."

White Pig: "Indeed. Hee hee hee hee."

Blue Pig: "…………Hee hee hee."

Red Pig: "Just you wait and see……"

As expected, my happiness level hardly recovers at all.

The screen is gradually shifting past sepia and approaching black and white.

Worse still, faintly in the corner of the screen, the previous document footage (highlighted version) is playing again—disturbingly, like a flashback.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine..."

This screen is making me feel queasy just looking at it.

When I make a grimace,

"Well, don't make that face—since you're the one handling magic attacks, that's your job."

And from her, he receives a substantial amount of items—recovery supplies, traps, magic scrolls, and the like.

"Ah, this is a real help."

"Fit for purpose. Your character doesn’t seem capable of physical attacks at all. Besides—"

At that moment, the "Gambler" character’s level increases to 3.

"Sharing items with allies boosts our happiness and makes us stronger."

I see…

Incidentally, the red pig, whose happiness level has dropped further, muttered, "It's infuriating that others have more things." Then why did you set out on this adventure, huh?

After that, we saved our progress at the inn's ledger, showed the "Western Pass" to the gatekeeper, and finally set off toward the wolf tribe's fortress.

Yellow Pig: "Alright, let's begin our adventure!"

White Pig: "Yes indeed. Hehehehehe."

Blue Pig: "My, my, it's itchy down there."

Red Pig: "……Tch."

We walk endlessly across the map stretching to the horizon—slightly lazy in design—while practicing magic and training in combat.

"Come to think of it, this game doesn't have random encounters with weak enemies, does it?"

"Yeah... That's a pain."

"Huh?"

"You can't level up, that's what I mean."

"Oh, right! You're absolutely right."

"Moreover, I've been checking each parameter since a moment ago, but it seems this game gradually lowers your level if you just leave it idle."

"Ugh."

"If you slack off too much, your skills will start to rust, I guess."

Even if they don't need to go that far in realism.

Still, if that's how the game works, the balance must be designed around that premise... I just hope that's true.

Then, a shadow blocks the path ahead.

They were four werewolves, each riding a horse.

Facing us with the same number of heads, they glared with fierce expressions...

Werewolf Clan: "Beyond this point is our territory. You shall not intrude."

They issued a warning.

"Whatever, but why do horses stay horses while wolves and pigs look human? That's something I've always wondered."

"Ah, that's just a fantasy trope, you know?"

Why can Kabaou talk but not cheese? Something like that.

"Alternatively, maybe the hint to understanding that world's logic lies in the original creator Takanashi Yanasé's comment that 'Miss Mimmi has tremendous sexual appeal.'"

"...Where the hell do you even get this kind of obscure trivia from?"

"The internet."

With a little playful banter that subtly acknowledges the audience.

"So, what do we do? There are apparently other options besides fighting—like 'paying a bribe,' I suppose."

"Of course, let's kill them."

"Yeah."

It'd be better to learn the combat strength of the wolf tribe while we still can.

Seems like just raising our level and boosting our combat power won't be enough to clear this game. That probably means mastering the game mechanics is the key to progressing.

When we each drew our weapons, the wolf tribe responded without hesitation, drawing their blades as well.

Wolf Tribe: "Let's go!"

The battle instantly devolved into chaos.

It seemed impossible to win against the weak, lecherous pig and the wolf on horseback, yet we surprisingly held our ground. Perhaps the game's creator had shown some mercy, making the first enemy not as strong as it appeared.

...Actually, it's more like we have plenty of room to maneuver in battle.

"Ouch!? Hey, 'Nameless'! Aim properly!"

"…Magic is hard to aim, you know. I'm not doing it on purpose."

Is that what this is about? Probably.

I cast my spell just enough to hit my allies, without getting caught.

"Here, I've left some healing potions for anyone in a pinch—help yourself~♪"

"Ugh... wait, yikes! Why are there traps here? Traps!?"

"Wait a minute... Did that hit an ally? I thought allies weren't supposed to trigger traps... I just... accidentally..."

"Seriously. Be more careful next time."

The more my companions suffer, the more clearly my character's "happiness" rises, and my level climbs up rapidly.

I realized with a chill that I was beginning to take a strange pleasure in this.

It almost felt as if the game itself were saying, "You're just like that."

By the time I'd killed every member of the wolf clan, the other three—except for me—were completely torn to shreds.

"Damn... My level went up, but my stamina's down. Maybe I should head back to town for now?"

"That won't do. We still have plenty of healing potions left, and... if we linger too long, our levels will keep dropping, putting us at a disadvantage. Isn't that right?"

"But my happiness level—"

"My happiness is suffering too, so we're even on that front."

"True, I suppose."

Given the game's mechanics—where one's misfortune benefits the other—I had no choice but to keep pushing forward with this adventure.

"Companion got injured," "Body covered in blood," "I've committed murder," "Want to be with a woman," "Bug bites are terrible," "Pain in my back wound,"... Hmm. Quite a few negatives piling up. As long as my happiness doesn't drop so much I go insane, I guess it's fine."

But then again.

That's exactly what I'm aiming for (Nicha...).

Just then.

The grass right beside us rustled sharply.