第４０掘：自分勝手 (Part1)
**Dig 40: Selfishness**
**Side: Ratz**
After confirming that Rurua-sama was having *that* conversation with Elju-sama, Labyris-chan and I returned to Onii-san’s room.
"It went exactly as Onii-san planned. He had her trip on purpose, and Elju-sama, who healed her injuries, ended up having that talk with her."
"…Yuki, is there really a need to rush things this much? Rurua-sama still needs time for her heart to heal. Everyone has moments of weakness. If Yuki said those things to me, I’d probably just hang myself and die…"
Exactly. Even I thought he was being far too hasty. Rurua-sama had only been here for about a week. Considering she had been driven from her homeland, I couldn't help but feel this treatment was a bit much.
"If she were just a common noble or a little girl, that would be one thing," Onii-san said, sipping some alcohol—a rarity for him.
Apparently, he doesn't get drunk. He usually avoids alcohol because the more he drinks, the more he suffers from nausea the next day. I’m not sure how true that is, though.
"Even the conditions set by Milly and the others are quite harsh. We’ve been trying our best to step in and act as a buffer to buy her time, yet you expect her to recover without even having the chance to sort through her emotions… I want an explanation that makes sense. If only so I don't end up blinded by you, just as you warned."
I demanded an explanation for his treatment of Rurua-sama.
"……If Rurua has the will for it, I intend to have her return to the Holy Kingdom of Litea and reclaim her position. The deadline for that is approaching, so I don't have the luxury of waiting for her to recover on her own."
"Wha—!?"
"Are you serious, Yuki!?"
Not just me, but even Labyris-chan cried out in shock. I never imagined he intended to send her back to the very place where her chances of survival were lowest.
"That said, if things continue as they are, she’ll die here before long anyway. People who go around calling themselves 'pitiful' tend to have a habit of walking headfirst into misfortune. With Milly and the others piling on endless demands, and Rurua wallowing in her own misery because of it… she’d either be kicked out or commit suicide. Honestly, I don't mind people having children to survive, but I hate the idea of people having children just because they want to live. I don't want to have to tell a child born into this world, 'You’re just a tool for your mother to survive,' or 'Your mother committed suicide after being forced into that situation.'"
I understand what Onii-san is getting at. Back when I was an adventurer, I was involved in a quest to wipe out a bandit group. As expected, there were many women there who had been used like tools. About half of those we rescued chose to end their lives within a month.
…Leaving behind the children they had brought into the world.
I couldn't understand it, so I asked one of the survivors. "Why did they choose death? And why didn't you?"
The woman, who had given birth shortly after being rescued, held her child in her arms and answered my blunt question.
"I don't know the exact reason why they chose suicide. But I believe they simply couldn't make peace with their own hearts. I, too, was violated by those men and conceived this child. Even now, looking at this child reminds me of it… Those who left their children behind must not have been able to bear that. But I… I hate the thought of leaving this innocent child behind. Even if this wasn't a wanted child, it was born into this world. This is the only warmth I hold in my hands. And conversely, it is because of this child that I choose to live."
In the end, those who live have the will to live. Those who die simply lack that will. They take a life that was born or saved, and instead of passing it on, they lock themselves in a cage of misery and head straight toward death.
"…I understand that you provoked Rurua-sama to prevent her from choosing suicide or to help her avoid it. But why send her back to Litea?"
"Like I said before, it wouldn't be a problem if she were just a noble’s daughter or a simple girl. Do you remember what Rurua’s position is?"
"Rurua-sama was the top leader of the Holy Kingdom of Litea, wasn't she?"
"Exactly. And you realize that keeping her in this dungeon is a bit too heavy a burden, right?"
"Yes. But couldn't she live quietly if she stayed out of the public eye?"
"Sure, if she lived quietly, there would be no problem. But she chose to negotiate. She didn't act as a powerless girl; she used the method of selling information to us. Furthermore, she’s been interfering with our dungeon management. Do you understand what that means?"
"……!? She… Rurua-sama is still trying to act as a stateswoman!?"
"That’s right. Rurua still clings to her pride as a Saint of Litea. She didn't seem to be conscious of it—she was distraught during that conversation earlier—but it’s still there, buried in her subconscious. If she truly wanted to be saved here, she should never have taken the stance of a stateswoman again. That would have prevented any friction. Milly and the others might have even felt she was truly repentant."
That’s… true. If Rurua-sama truly wanted to live here safely, she shouldn't be offering opinions as a stateswoman. The more she exerts her influence, the more she involves herself in the dungeon’s affairs, and the more she exposes herself to the public. That puts this dungeon in danger. That is something we must avoid. That is why Milly, in particular, pushed back.
"But Rurua used her status as a former Saint as a shield to join in our management. It’s fine because it’s this dungeon, but what would happen if this were the Kingdom of Roschur, the Kingdom of Gartz, or even just a common household?"
"……We currently have an alliance with Litea. If the country protected Rurua-sama, they would either send her back immediately or kill her if they knew about the assassination plot. That would be the most profitable move for the country. As for a common household, it’s foolish to even consider. It would be like declaring her identity to the family that saved her and saying, 'This village might be destroyed because of me, but I’ll cooperate with its development.'"
As I answered Onii-san’s question, I felt dizzy…
In reality, no matter where she goes, she can no longer act in a way that reveals her true identity. …Surely, someone as brilliant as her must realize that…
"……I see. So it’s unconscious. Rurua-sama is thinking that, if things go well, she might still be able to return to Litea. But in the current situation, that’s not just something she shouldn't say—it’s something she shouldn't even be thinking about."
What selfishness. Or perhaps, because she knows it’s selfish, it’s buried in her subconscious?
"That’s the thing. Well, it’s not an absolute certainty. But Rurua is testing the waters to see how far she can go. She’s even going out of her way to deepen the rift with Milly and the others, acting in ways that might lead to her own suicide."
That’s why Onii-san, hating the outcome of Rurua-sama’s suicide, tried to crush that possibility immediately. He used the story he heard from Elju-sama, intentionally caused her injury, and forced the conversation with Elju-sama.
"Onii-san… you’re trying to help Rurua-sama reclaim her position, aren't you? And when you say there’s no time… could it be…"