第３９掘：職業聖女と只の聖女 (Part2)
"Today, that much understanding is enough, I guess. For now, this isn't a situation for 'to embrace or not to embrace,' so just quietly return to your room."
In the end, I lightly draped the yukata I had taken off back over myself and trudged out of the room.
For a while, I stood dumbfounded in the hallway... no, I was thinking, but my mind was a jumble and I couldn't organize my thoughts. The action I should take is not to bear Yuki's child... Then, what is it? If I break my promise like this, will I be thrown out of this dungeon? No, if that happens, there's a possibility I might spread information about this dungeon to others. Then, will he remove my designated protection, kill me, and turn me into DP...?
"Ah!"
My yukata caught on my foot, and I tumbled in the hallway.
"It hurts...?"
Blood was flowing from my knee. It was a small wound. Insignificant.
"Oh? Rurua-sama? Are you alright? I'll treat it right away."
From the dim hallway, Elju-sama appeared with a gentle voice.
"Heal. There, all better, 'Ouchie-ouchie, fly away!' — I'm sorry. You're not a child, are you?"
Elju-sama apologized, looking embarrassed.
"No, you helped me. But what is that 'ouchie-ouchie'?"
"Well, you see. Little children often keep crying even after their wounds are healed. Pain isn't the only reason children cry. They might cry because they cried, or because they're scolded by their father or mother, or because they made them worry, and many other reasons. Rurua-sama, have you had such experiences?"
"No, my work at the healing clinic was purely professional... so, I didn't."
"I see. Weren't there times when children wouldn't stop crying even after being healed?"
"There were, but since the wound was healed, I would just move on to the next person..."
"Ah, Rurua-sama is the Saintess of Litea, after all. You couldn't afford to spend that much time."
"It's 'former' now, though. And why do you say those words?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Children cry because of their wounds. Saying things like 'You did your best' usually doesn't mean much. What's important is to tell them that the wound is healed. So, when you say 'Ouchie-ouchie, fly away!', it actually heals, or even if it doesn't, they mistake it for being healed. Then they have no reason to cry and they smile. Well, some children would get scolded by their parents afterward and cry again, though."
"Is that how it is? It's a matter of mindset, then?"
"Yes, I think that's probably it. But usually, the children I healed would have bloody knees again the very next day. Yet, they wouldn't be crying. They'd all be smiling, saying they wanted Elju-sama to heal them. It's a bit troublesome when they keep getting more injuries, though."
Elju-sama gave a wry smile, perhaps recalling that scene.
"It's been quite a while since then... I pray those children haven't been caught in the flames of war. I wish they could remain with those smiles. May the day come when I can return the precious things they gave me."
With those words, Elju-sama offered a prayer to the fake dungeon moon.
"You received something from those children?"
Feeling a question arise from Elju-sama's words, I asked without much thought.
"Yes, I received something very precious. From those wonderful children who stood up without crying even after falling. For them, getting injured is often a first-time experience. It's the greatest fear and pain they've ever known. That's why they cry. But in the end, every child stands up and walks on their own feet. They treat themselves, get healed after being scolded by their parents, or ask me for treatment."
She took a breath and continued.
"...Because of my own shortsightedness, I caused immense trouble for Rurua-sama, the Holy Kingdom of Litea, the Kingdom of Roschur, and the Kingdom of Gartz. Before, I cursed my own misfortune, wondering why only I had to suffer such a fate. But after meeting Mauve and Milly, I realized that was just self-pity. And Yuki scolded me relentlessly. After all that, I finally... realized. I was just a child who fell, got hurt, and couldn't stand up. I still don't know what I can do, but I intend to search for what I can. I stopped crying and screaming. Instead, I thought it would be better to help enrich life in this dungeon. Milly and the others probably disliked it, but doing nothing like this would set a bad example for the children who stood up before. I don't want to be pointed at and called 'the Saintess who got hurt and couldn't stand'."
Listening to Elju-sama's story, I realized her thoughts were completely different from mine. What a dazzling way to live, I thought. In the end, all I had been doing was consistently begging for my life. Whereas Elju-sama...
"I stopped lamenting what cannot be recovered. I want to help create the future from here, as much as I possibly can. Even children don't dwell on their injuries forever, you know. They start new, fun things."
Is 'atonement in progress' a negative answer...? If it were me, I'd judge it as wrong. How should I put it, is it naive, or perhaps a case of embracing both purity and impurity?
"Rurua-sama? Am I strange after all? This way of thinking?"
Elju-sama turned a troubled expression towards me.
Therefore, I had to give her a proper answer.
"It is very admirable. Yes, just as Elju-sama said. Even children can stand up. We cannot remain cowering. Let's do our best tomorrow too."
"Yes!!"
Honestly, I thought I had studied thoroughly up to this point... but the light from next door is too dazzling.
Now, what did you think of Rurua's inner thoughts and Elju's drive? Well, it's that feeling, isn't it? The elite versus the self-made? And it's easy to misunderstand, but pain is different for each person. If it's a judgment about whether it concerns life support, it's just a matter of yes or no. A fall injury is, after all, the most painful thing a child has ever experienced. Similarly, there are people who are hurt by simple words. But still, you stand up, right? Because that's what living is.
Typos and omissions as usual.