第３５０堀：教えて女神様！！ （駄目神） (Part1)
**Dungeon 350: Teach Me, Goddess!! (The Useless Goddess)**
**Side: Yuki**
"Faaah... I'm sleepy."
So said a woman, scratching her belly through a gap in her jersey—a classic shut-in, or perhaps a "dried-fish" woman. Her name is Luna. She is the very person who tossed me into this other world, a self-proclaimed "High Goddess" who supposedly manages multiple stars inhabited by various intelligent life forms.
I say "supposedly" because, based on her appearance and our history, I have never once seen her act like a goddess. Our first meeting was with an office lady in a suit; when I finally summoned her after a long time, she struck a weird pose and tried to call herself a god, only to fall flat; and lately, she’s just gone and settled into a corner of the developed Weed without permission.
I don’t even know when she became a resident of Weed. She probably used her "goddess powers" to manipulate everyone’s perception, which is the only thing about her that’s actually god-like. Her living expenses are covered by my wives' pocket money. She even shakes down Lilishe for cash.
Personally, I’d love to kick this source of calamity out, but she claims she’s ensuring the safety of my wives and daughters. Since my wives are grateful for her help in various ways, they accept her presence. It’s their decision, so I can’t really complain. That’s why, unless it’s absolutely necessary, I’ve avoided contacting her. The last time I reached out—regarding whether or not children could be born between me and my wives—it ended up with me being saddled with the responsibility of the New Continent. And the whole mess with the Goddess Hifii? I ended up getting dragged into that to resolve it, too.
See what I mean? The probability of me suffering damage as a result of relying on this useless goddess is astronomical.
I understand that there’s a price for asking for help. But the "price" usually stems from her own incompetence, not anything I’m responsible for. I asked about the child-bearing issue because she changed my race into the "Dungeon Management Tribe"—an incomprehensible species—and I was worried about a *certain movie* scenario where the baby might burst out of the mother’s stomach. As for the Hifii incident, that was entirely the fault of a useless goddess who didn't clean up her own mess.
That’s why I never want to rely on her. I know for a fact she’ll just dump more trouble on me.
My wives are soft on Luna, treating her words like divine revelations. They even feel responsible for the magic depletion issue and are actively trying to fix it. But there’s a limit to everything. I was trying to earn DP leisurely on the Weed continent and study the magic depletion slowly, but instead, I’m being guided toward a continent swirling with war, suffering from severe magic depletion. I decided that I couldn't let a large-scale war break out there, so I’ve been running around like a headless chicken.
On top of that, if she asks me to do anything else, I’ll be completely overwhelmed.
However, a new problem has emerged. There are signs that the hostile forces have a Dungeon Master among them. If that’s the case, it’s only logical to ask Luna, who has been appointing Dungeon Masters in this world to combat the magic depletion.
...Maybe, just maybe, it could be resolved through discussion.
...Though, considering I’ve been snapped at by a goddess who is practically family, that hope is as thin as a sparrow’s tear.
"Huh? You mean there are other Dungeon Masters on the New Continent besides you and Comet? There are still living ones?"
She was useless.
Fine. If she doesn't have the information, I’m leaving. Questioning her further is a waste of time. It might even make things more troublesome.
"Alright. If you don't know, fine. I'll investigate it myself. Comet, let's go."
"Wait a minute. Why don't you ask a bit more specifically? We have a High Goddess here, and two other goddesses as well. Maybe, with the power of a goddess, we could just *poof*—you know?"
Damn it. Comet’s perception of the goddess Luna is too naive. She’s a softie who thinks the Hifii situation was just "unavoidable because she’s family." She’s sharp as a researcher, but she’s hopeless in this regard.
No, wait—wouldn't anyone think that having three goddesses around would solve something?
"Well said, Comet. Come on, sit back down. Relying on a goddess is never a mistake. Though, in your case, you always look at goddesses like they’re nothing but trouble."
"Obviously. Tell me, what benefits have you brought me? And that includes the two goddesses behind you who are busy preparing food and cleaning the room."
When I said that, the two goddesses froze.
"Um, w-well, I gave your wives a goddess's blessing, didn't I?" said Lilishe, the Goddess of Love worshiped by the Litea Holy Kingdom.
"That ended up dragging Shera and Kirue into a near-catastrophe. Besides, you couldn't handle your own sect and dumped the whole thing on me, didn't you?"
"Auu... I am so sorry."
The other goddess just looked away and went back to cooking. Well, if the food burns and the taste drops, Luna will be noisy, so I suppose that’s fine.
"And that Hifii person—she made me clean up her mess, complained about it, and then just got in the way along with Comet, right?"
"Ugh!?"
"Ah, Yuki-kun. My ears and my heart are hurting quite a lot, so please stop."
With that, Hifii and Comet were also silenced.
"You really... what is the point of bullying goddesses? Even if they aren't the brightest, these girls are trying their best, you know?"
" "Aggh!!" "
At Luna’s words, both of them clutched their chests.
You’re the one who’s finishing them off, you know!
"Anyway, about the Dungeon Master. Well, since the Hifii incident did cause you trouble, it wouldn't be a sin to help you out with this much."
"No. You’re the one who decides what’s a sin, aren't you?"
Ignoring my retort, Luna pulled a stack of papers from the void.
"Let's see, not this one. Not this one either..."
She tossed the papers onto the table one by one. One slid toward me, so I picked it up. It looked like some kind of checklist with names written on it, all crossed out with diagonal lines. Every name on this document was crossed out...
Then, another paper slid over. I looked at that one, and it had names that weren't crossed out.
*Goddess of Love, Lilishe (Alive, but mostly useless. Same for the others below.)*
*Sword God, Nogosh*
*Magic God, Nonoa*
*Agricultural God, Faide*
*Beast God, Gota*
*DM, Reye (Too much of a shut-in, low hopes)*
*DM, George (Same, a shut-in)*
*And several others below.*
Hmm? Wait a second. I recognized some of these names.
"Luna. I see some names I know. Could this be..."
"Hm? It’s a roster, a roster. Oh, you might as well take a look at it while you're at it. These are the ones in this continent that I can at least contact. The rest are missing. Whether you clash with them or talk it out is up to you."
"I knew it! Wait a minute, are there four other gods on this continent!?"
"Four? That’s actually on the low side. Your Japan has eight million, doesn't it? Think about how hard it is for me to manage all that. Well, most of them are doubling up on duties. The other gods vanished completely due to the magic depletion, and Lilishe is handling other roles besides Love. The others are the same. Well, that doesn't mean they have much power. They're pretty useless, aren't they?"
"I-I can't... Hifii-chan, the rest is..."
"Lilishe, pull yourself together!! Asking me to serve as a goddess here too is clearly overwork!!"
Thanks to Luna’s merciless evaluation, one of the goddesses was on the verge of fading away right there...