第４２３堀：探しもの見つけた (Part2)
I felt dejected because there was no longer a place for me to shine. I had actually let myself feel that way.
As someone who protects others, that is absolutely unacceptable. I should be rejoicing that the danger is gone, and yet...
"Look, if you’re confident in your skills, it’s only natural to want a place to show them off. No one is entirely without greed. Sure, what you’re feeling might not be worthy of praise, but if just thinking it makes you a failure, then I’m a failure too," Yuki said.
"You too, Yuki?"
"Of course. Fundamentally, I hate trouble. That’s why I have my wives help me with so much of the work."
"But isn't that just because you're short-handed?"
"True. But if I were truly, 100% serious about my 'mission,' then getting married and having children would be a mistake, wouldn't it? It’s technically a waste of time and resources when it comes to achieving a singular goal."
"How can you say it's a waste?! Apologize! Apologize to Jessica and the others right now! Did you really think your marriage was a waste?! They helped you because they love you! How can you even say such a thing out loud?!"
His words were so outrageous that I found myself shouting at him.
"See?" Yuki smiled. "I don't think my marriage is a waste either, and having children makes me happy. It’s natural to have those 'extras' in life. You’re just telling yourself that having those natural feelings makes you a bad person."
"Urgh..."
"The important thing is not to lose sight of your original purpose. If you claim to want to protect people, but then you threaten their safety just to prove how hard you're working or to gain fame, then you’ve put the cart before the horse. But if the people you protect are smiling and feel safe, then working hard and gaining fame isn't a mistake. Wouldn't you feel safer being protected by a motivated, famous, powerful knight rather than a weak one with no drive?"
"Uguuu..."
Seeing me falter under Yuki’s logic, Jessica chimed in.
"Dressa, I understand your point of view. In the heat of battle, it is common to wonder where the 'greater good' truly lies. There have been times when I’ve had to cut down the very citizens I was meant to protect in order to suppress a riot. Ideally, we would have persuaded them to stand down, but reality is rarely ideal. Every time that happened, I questioned what it meant to be a knight."
"But... you didn't have a choice, did you?"
"Yes. One could say it was unavoidable. However, that doesn't mean we should stop thinking. If we do, we become nothing more than dolls that follow orders. That is why, as Yuki said..."
"...We must never lose sight of the original goal?"
"Exactly. As long as you don't lose sight of that, you can keep moving forward, no matter what anyone says. You already know this—after all, you threw yourself into training with Mauve and the others for the sake of your revenge."
Finally, I arrived at my own answer.
...I see. I wanted to be a shield for the people.
Whether it was atonement for those I couldn't save, or simply trying to imitate my father, I had been searching for something I could do through various jobs. And having reached this position, I finally found a role that aligned with my heart's desire, which is why I felt so motivated.
While I was lost in thought, Yuki gave me a shove on the back.
"What was that for?!"
"Well, you have work tomorrow, right? Our little debate is over, so you should go get some rest. Or did you have something else you wanted to do?"
Hearing that, I checked the clock. It was almost time for dinner. I had promised to eat with Vilia and Hiiro!
"Is it that late already?! I’m leaving!"
As I rushed out of the meeting room, a voice called out from behind me.
"Don't sit around moping! They say an idiot's deep thoughts are as good as a nap!"
"Shut up! Who’s moping?! I’m going to do exactly what I want! ...But, thank you for today. And don't get the wrong idea! I'm just thanking you for the advice, that's all!"
Leaving them with that, I dashed outside.
***
**Side: Yuki**
"What a magnificent display of a tsundere."
I didn't think I'd ever see such a textbook example in real life. And she wasn't even acting; she did it completely naturally.
"No, I think that was less 'tsundere' and more of a rebellious phase," Jessica remarked.
"A difficult age, indeed. Personally, I’d rather not deal with it if I can help it."
"Well, she has Vilia and the others with her, so it shouldn't happen too often. Anyway, it looks like the third conference room is ready."
"Sigh. I guess our overtime starts now."
"Once we're finished, I'd like to relax with everyone."
"Then let's give it our best so we can get to that part."
"Yes, sir."
Unfortunately, it seemed my work was far from over...
It’s a common story—losing track of the means and the ends. If everyone just took a moment to calm down, they might remember something they’d forgotten. Like how playing isn't just for "taking a break," but because you want to have fun.
For me, gaming isn't a break; it’s my reason for living. Therefore, I cannot cut down on my gaming time.
**Current Lifestyle Schedule:**
* 06:30 – Wake up
* 07:00 – Feed the dog, wash face, watch the news
* 07:30 – Head to work
* 08:00 – Start work
* 17:00 – Finish work
* 18:00 – Arrive home, walk the dog, take a bath
* 19:00 – Writing / Gaming
* 21:00 – Finish writing, set up scheduled posts, Gaming / Reading
* 23:00 – Stop gaming, Reading
* 01:00 – Sleep