Flashback — Gurye

Regrets?

Such things are endless.

If only I had done this then, if only I had done that then.

The thoughts go on without end.

Especially in my case—more choices were available.

No, perhaps it should be said that only I had them.

Had I made a different choice, a different future would have existed.

Thinking this way leads only to endless entanglement in the mire of thought.

But in the end, no matter how much I dwell on it, the past cannot be changed.

Therefore, I must accept it as my own choice.

Not Dustin, but I must bear responsibility for my past decisions.

Yet precisely because of this, I remain unable to choose.

Whether Dustin or I, past choices have become entanglements, narrowing the range of options available even now.

Dustin walks relentlessly along the path he chose in the past.

No matter how thorny the path, no matter how it wears on his mind, he will not halt his steps.

The true measure of his strength lies in never having strayed from that path once.

In terms of mental fortitude, he surpasses me by far.

He is not a god—but in this regard, he is a monster that outmatches even one.

My choices?

I did not choose.

I had no choice.

Always half-hearted, never leaving a result behind, no matter what I do.

Unable to act, unable to do, and still unable to do now.

The only action I took was to weep before D.

It is shameful beyond words.

Even that act—pleading before D—I cannot judge whether it was right.

I cannot help but wonder if there were other methods.

I understand, even I, that D did not act out of kindness.

No—back then, I did not understand.

I began suspecting something was off later on—confirmed it when contact was lost.

I must have been slow to understand.

I do not know what D's purpose was.

It is undeniable that "because it seemed interesting," as he claimed, was genuine enough—but I believe there were other objectives as well.

One of them was likely an experiment.

I heard there was something called "insect venom" on Earth.

This is similar.

The system is a massive insect venom.

A device that causes organisms dwelling within it to kill one another, producing stronger lifeforms.

The ultimate goal was godhood.

It is clear from the description attached to skills like the Seven Sins and Seven Virtues: "leading to god."

The system was an experimental apparatus designed to artificially create a god.

What purpose this serves—I do not understand.

Perhaps simply because it was interesting.

The system also exhibits several features that appear to reflect D's playful whimsy at scattered intervals.

I cannot provide a rational explanation for any of them.

One would have to ask D directly.

Even then, whether understanding would result is uncertain.

That is simply how D is.

Understanding is defeat.

Yes, it was impossible to understand.

I had no comprehension of what might touch D's nerves.

I still do not comprehend.

If I acted on my own accord and displeased D—

Considering that, the only course was to carry out instructions without hesitation.

Here, I am again abandoning choice.

Alternatively, if one considers D's personality, perhaps behaving in a way that seemed entertaining might have allowed some degree of freedom.

But me?

Do I truly believe that I, of all people, could make D find me entertaining?

I admit it myself, but I couldn’t believe I’d ever be capable of such a thing.

If I thought that doing so might ruin everything, I would have lacked the courage to take even one step forward.

So I did nothing. I stood idle while this world became D’s toy.

Yet even as a toy, I was saved—undoubtedly by that person’s influence.

Considering the situation now, I question whether my choice then was correct. But with no other options available, it was certainly the best possible course.

Yes. If I could have returned to that moment, I would still have relied on D.

Ah… thinking this way, perhaps I never had any other future to choose.

No matter how much I ponder, I can already see myself hesitating, delaying, and missing the moment of decision.

Calling me a coward is understandable.

Hmph.

Ah, yes.

I am always just spinning in place.

There is something about this way of speaking—perhaps I am simply predisposed to being carried along.

No different from the masses.

A being that merely drifts with the great current of the world.

If those who defy the current, persist with their will, and alter the world’s course are called heroes or protagonists, then I am nothing more than a background figure meant to color their story.

Yet I cannot change the world’s flow, and yet I possess power.

Thus I cannot fully become a background figure; I am only a half-hearted presence, lingering at the edge of the stage.

No matter how I describe it, I remain half-hearted.

But even if I am half-hearted, even if I am a background figure, I exist as myself.

I have not chosen before—but I am not incapable of choosing.

I am carried along, yet I still move in step with the current.

I am a servant of D, but not a construct of the system.

I am here by my own will.

Remember this.

…Well, you likely won’t remember anything said at a drinking table anyway.

There’s still wine left.

Stay a little longer and listen to my complaints.